1. |
Afterwards, Alone
03:47
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afterwards alone
dog day afternoons
lying on our backs in the middle of your bedroom
the heat outside was overwhelming
watching the slow progress of a spider on the ceiling
felt like the world was asleep
sedated and shuffling and meek
funerary silence, this whole town was a furnace
and everybody in it a mourner at a service
pale white pill
underneath your tongue
caught in the chemistry
radio song
down in the valley
we watched the lights flicker on
and the earth fell away for a moment
and then you and i were gone
early crescent moon
scything through the blue to harvest what’s left of our youth
watching impatient on the skyline
as we kicked around
anticipating night-time
drove past the vacant bus depot
the quiet judgement of the silent church steeple
we judged everybody right back
couldn’t wait to put the miles between us and all you people
afterwards, alone
some changes can’t be measured
insects nudge the lampshade
and the earth has loosed its tethers
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2. |
Peacock Blue
04:08
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peacock blue
brief awkward moment
after stars collide
listen to your breathing
see you rise
moon has got my tongue
stuck like glue
slip below the surface
peacock blue
I was a walk-on part in your life story
you were the headline marquee-name in mine
i was an out of focus background extra
you got all the pointed witty lines
but i recall in twenty-four frames per second
how you would reach to shield your eyes
in the golden dappled light
which gave your hair a ghostly red corona
with all that implied
and the smoke
and the drink
and the years have bleached and burned the film
but i still remember the script
and a frozen frame as you beckoned me
follow upstairs to the single bed
in your childhood room
the mess of the morning
clearing debris
awkward silence and cheap burnt coffee
words escape me once again
as we said goodbye
close my eyes and press rewind
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3. |
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the light of old mistakes
you and i
dined in style tonight
made palimpsest by neon lights
hooded apparitions
hollow-eyed and thin
haunt the hidden corners
strain to listen in
as across formica tables
you and i we traded sins
and you looked at me and laughed and said
‘this is how it begins’
the world she favours runners
and run is what we’ll do
in a moment you were on your feet
threw away the shoes
‘cause you don’t need them where we’re going
no, you don’t need anything to hold you down
you need nothing
your hand, it found mine
fingers intertwined
up on the carpark roof
below the lowering skies
you delivered a monologue
in the direction of the moon
i stole a glance at lightly freckled thighs
and you
you tucked your hair behind your ear
and smiled, in the halflight
and as absent-minded fingers
teased unruly tresses
i knew i had no defense
for so careless a gesture now
by the light of old mistakes
we dance tonight
just you and i
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4. |
Stone Cold Satellite
05:50
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stone cold satellite
wait don’t go
eyes fill up with smoke
no wit
no charm
just a plea conveyed in a croak
where once these words would placate
now they provoke
tonight we’ll find one of us sleeps alone
one thousand little lies
one thousand compromises
one million little moments
extinguished with no reprise
white light knives
beneath the window shades
cool pale curve
across your shoulder blades
eyes draw blanks
don’t try to persuade
you were right
there’s nothing here to save
oh to love you as i used to
before the fear of losing you took hold
and opened up this rift between us
might as well be a thousand miles away
stone-cold satellite
orbit around you
now that i found you
i won’t let you leave
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5. |
June 9th
06:14
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june 9th
and i’m sure that it would come as no surprise to anyone
but who would dare to ask?
spent those last weeks pretty fried
sleepless and high
snowblind
failed attempt at insulation
from some senseless situation
i could not understand
no plan, no preparation
could prepare you for something like that
silence in the taxi all the way back to streatham
and the nerves behind my eyes, they were beating like a drum
against the burning glare of streetlights and the late night chicken shops
given meaning through a prism neither wanted nor deserved
and i still dream of drowning when it rains at night
and i’ve still got this red blood pumping in my heart
and i went to pieces when i saw the sunrise
and you were not beneath it with me
(and now you never will be)
gleneagle road kitchen nights
stoned conversation taking flight
we made plans for the band
we were getting pretty good
played it tight but sounded loose
tom and me. mat and you
the robot fucking blues
disappear for a year to a house in the south of france
and record our third album surrounded by our friends
then headline glastonbury with a massive fuck-off orchestra
and a light-show to shame pink floyd
and our music would grow weirder, across our thirty-year career
and though we’d make mistakes we would never grow stale
in the picture on my wall you haven’t aged a day
but the rest of us have changed
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6. |
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your iris is a map that leads nowhere
walk the empty room
try to catch a glimpse of you
this silence is a surface
and i can’t break through
water still flows
under the bridges that we burn
blackened stone interred
a tomb amongst the ferns
i’ve always been useless
when it comes to reading signs
falling through my fingers
like the light through shuttered blinds
memorise the map
imprinted on your iris
in the shiver of a kiss
i promise
i’ll follow where it leads me
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7. |
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pictures of the impossible
that winter i was buried
in stack of old sci-fi novels
lurid covers illustrated
with pictures of the impossible
the snow lingered on for weeks
clung to the jagged mountain peaks
which stood like rows of broken teeth
in the valley’s broken jaw
that was the year they closed the doors
of the coking works at the colliery
and the night would lose the false dawn glow
of the chimney in the east
and the mornings, they were quiet
now the cars had nowhere to go
it would be years before they would build
the out-of-town shopping mall
bathed in deep-sea luminescence
of a muted cathode-ray
searching for the meaning in an indistinguishable day
and my grandfather’s cigarette cards
of the world’s biggest unsolved mysteries
spellbound and captivated
by pictures of the impossible
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8. |
Ancient Evenings
08:40
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ancient evenings
the night sky hangs above
an endless gaping maw
the stars contain no message
just indifferent blinking semaphore
pin us frozen rabbit-shadowed to the valley floor
and i hope that in our searching
we never stumble on to what we’re looking for
with molotov-hearts ablaze in our chests
we hunt with throats bared to the night’s dispossessed
roam through the gloaming
at home like the clouds
in the empyrean dome of the limitless shroud
witless we whisper
‘it’s a hopeless endeavour
there’s nothing for miles
hell, maybe forever’
each step we take to forget
all that we’ve ever been
our decline impossibly intertwined
with the beautiful, terrible things that we’ve seen
there’s no more time to fight the flow of the stream
the choices we’ve made will scour the world clean
give to me your bones
give to me your brothers
give to me your lives
give to me your lovers
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Lowering London, UK
Co-founder of the Disintegration State label.
disintegrationstate.bandcamp.com
Ambient / Drone / Electronic / Shoegaze
Noise over talent.
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